Thanks to all my Toastmaster friends for the great feedback.
And now a little of my own:
- What's up with the pinky finger (4:24)? Looks totally stupid - stop that!
- Boy talk about run-on sentences, no pause whatsoever!
- I jerk my head around like a broken Disneyland puppet! You know those old ones that were pneumatically driven?
- The piece of paper in hand, the cheat sheet, sucks. Gotta be able to memorize my speech well enough to work without the cheat-sheet -- it's only 7 minutes! (6 for icebreaker) Although I'm glad I had it, I changed this speech so many times I wouldn't have made it without it.
- And what about my son! Totally rolled over that...jeez...
- Hands behind back - check.
- I am still saying some things 'cute' like a little kid. How can anyone take me seriously if I talk like a child???
- Specific words/phrases to improve on:
- Air Force
- "R", is not clear.
- combined with high voice everything sounds 'kiddish'.
- 4:05 - "...radio controlled planes, build them and fly them..."
- wtf? Too high and intonation all wrong.
- 4:40 "America" -- The R's have it! Again intonation, inflection, pitch, "R" all wrong.
- Before
- 6:53 - peapuul instead of people.
- sport and pleasure - too high, as a matter of fact I can stop here:
- ALL R's and pitch and inflection are too high and going up towards end of word/sentence.
- Better Conclusion - Ending was weak - next time peg this.
- Address first of all "Madame Toastmaster, fellow toastmasters, distinguished guests". Don't really like this - I would rather simply say "my friends..."
- No arms behind back - let your arms speak.
- No pointing with pinky finger.
- PAUSE between sentences.
Any questions- "What questions do you have?"
"Opening and ending didn't really exist..."
right! check that one!
One feedback I find very interesting:
"I wasn't sure if I could trust everything you said or if it was story telling"
It is a method of speech writing/giving to incorporate stories, should be a good thing, however if my audience doesn't believe it?
Don't really know what to make of this feedback yet, I will keep an eye on this for sure.
v2
v1
